As a young man I did not have too much trouble with sex or sexual performance. Sex was fun and there was mostly enough of it. But… Somehow I felt that there’s something missing, something that I didn’t quite grasp. Something more, something deeper, something ever more fulfilling than the fleeting 3 second orgasmic ejaculation squirt and then drowsiness. You know this feeling, I’m sure!
Three years ago I attended one of the tantric sexuality workshops, and bang! Something clicked, and that set me on a much more fulfilling path on how I experienced sex.
Multiple orgasms and full body orgasms are possible, for men and women alike! It just requires some practice and perseverance. Here are my tips on how to deal with some common issues that can stand on the way of greater pleasure.
1. Premature ejaculation no more
You probably know that premature ejaculation is normally defined as ejaculation within two minutes of man penetrating a woman. If a man ejaculates in a few minutes after penetration, there’s not very good chance for anyone experience multiple orgasms – or any deep satisfaction for that matter. So the obvious first step would be to be able to prolong your lovemaking sessions.
Eyal Matsiliah from intimatepower.com had defined this in the following way: “Premature ejaculation is coming before both partners are ready for it!”
Tantric Brahmacharya practice is something that really can help with premature ejaculation. You can read my article about brahmacharya here.
This may sound like it’s only concerning men, but for women the equivalent of male ejaculation would be an explosive clitoris orgasm. So you can apply the same principles of becoming more aware of your state of arousal, moving the energy up in your body and tuning in to your body to feel where your man is at. And you as a woman can help and support your man to last longer, too.
2. Contracting vs. Opening up
Normally, when we approach an orgasm, the energy is concentrating on the pelvic area, the muscles get tighter and our breathing gets faster. This is causing an explosive orgasm that you can mostly feel at your genital area, and the energy is let out from the body.
If you want to experience more pleasure, try opening up and letting the energy spread all around your body. Your partner can be of great help in this. When they notice that you are very excited, they can stroke you up from the genitals, up the spine and all the way to hands, face and head.
When you start to notice that you’re highly aroused, relax your body as much as you can. Don’t worry about the performance! The heat of the desire comes and goes in waves, so you can trust that it will not disappear. You can really have even breaks during your lovemaking. Kiss and caress, stay present, and then continue later on when the level of excitement is a bit lower.
3. Breathe slow and deep
When you are excited, notice your breath and s-l-o-w it down! This can make your feeling of pleasure much more intense and you will also have a greater control over the excitement.
Yet another way to use your breath while making love is to synchronize your breath with your lover. You can either breathe in a same rhythm or you can alternate the rhythms: one is breathing in while other is breathing out.
Closely connected to breathing is sound. Making sounds while making love can feel awkward at first, but it’s a great way to let the energy expand. You can also prolong your orgasmic state if you keep on letting the sound out. Some even say that the orgasmic state lasts as long as you make sound.
4. Drop that agenda
This is HUGE! Forget any goals or predetermined course of events. Stay open to the unknown, be aware and present to any feelings that may rise up!
Expectations can be a major block for experiencing orgasmic states. We can expect that our partner is responsible for our pleasure, or we can expect that an orgasm is a result of more and more stimulation. Not quite! By being present, slowing down and learning to become more sensitive can really heighten your orgasmic potential.
If you have some thoughts circling around in your head, whether from the past or the future, you can evaluate whether you really need them at this moment, or if you have a possibility to drop them for now. See if you can clear up this moment, to be fully in the present.
5. Divine you
This may sound a bit weird if you’re not used to meditate or are new to tantra and spirituality. But it’s definitely worth trying!
When you’re making love to your beloved, see them as Divine. See them in their pure and essential male or female form, Shiva or Shakti. Let the ego melt away and stay aside for this moment. Let go of all unnecessary layers that you may be wearing normally in your life. See how much you can open up and let them see you as open and vulnerable.
Another point I would like to add here is to offer the fruits of your lovemaking to the Divine, or whatever you choose to name it: God, Universal Consciousness, Shiva, Shakti, Brahman, Absolute. When you offer the pleasure to the Divine, they will return it to you. Manifold.
One of my teachers proposed that at least four hours of lovemaking per week is a fair amount of practice to learn how to work with energy and how to experience multiple orgasms and expanded states of consciousness. I would say this is a fun practice! If you as a man ejaculate regularly, this may be a bit difficult – if not impossible – to do, as there’s not necessarily so much desire. I highly recommend learning to prolong your lovemaking sessions.
Experiencing deeper and longer orgasms is very fulfilling and satisfying, and it brings energy and enthusiasm to your day. Sexual desire stays strong, and it helps to overcome minor and major obstacles we all face in our life and relations.
Oh, and by the way, check my previous article on natural contraception methods!
If you like to dive deeper in to Sacred Sexuality, here’s a great online course by Sofia Sundari.
How do you experience multiple orgasms? What would you like to add to this list? Do you have any questions about any of the above? Leave a comment below!