According to some sources the average time from penetration to ejaculation for men is about 5 to 7 minutes. After that, the male orgasm lasts for a few seconds. The woman can experience dissatisfaction, for she needs more time to get aroused or to enter an ecstatic orgasmic state. Tantric techniques can help!
In tantra, we talk about brahmacharya, which can mean two things: either celibacy, or non-ejaculation and sexual continence. Of these two, for the contemporary man, celibacy may not sound very appealing, so let’s stick with the smart, tantric solution. With brahmacharya, the man is not spilling his seeds, but with a skillful and creative control of energies he can guide the energy upward in the body, away from the genitals – not out, as most men are used to. When you do this, you could keep on making love for as long as you wish, and an orgasm, or rather an ecstatic state can last for longer periods, hours or even days. And once you get the hang of it, you may start to experience different kinds of altered states of consciousness and expansion.
A famous yogi, Swami Sivananda, states the following about brahmacharya:
The preservation of semen is the secret of health and longevity,
and of all success in the physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual planes.
Sounds interesting? So how to do it?
Everything starts with awareness. It would be important for both men and women to recognize their state of arousal, and slow down when necessary, even stop the penetration for a short while. Men can learn to understand and observe their arousal by conscious self-pleasuring. It is easier to start alone, for the “Point of No Return” (the point when ejaculation will happen no matter what!) may hit surprisingly soon when practicing with a partner. When you practice with your arousal level, you could let it rise up to around 70-80%, and then let yourself chill down for a while, guiding the energy up in the body. And then rise up once again, maybe even a bit higher – but not too close!
Decision. Once you have decided to practice brahmacharya, stick to the decision. Make a set amount of time, let’s say a week, or 21 days, that you choose not to ejaculate. To contain the sexual energy in the body will bring more zest in to your everyday life. You will notice an increase in your ability to focus, overall energy levels and creativity. And of course, a new kind of spark in the bedroom.
In tantric traditon sexual energy is seen as the fundamental, intrinsic energy, and that we are given a certain limited amout of it. Did you ever notice a sudden loss of interest and connection after an ejaculation? Felt a bit sleepy? For that simple reason it’s better to conserve it than to waste it. In the Taoist tradition they instruct that the older men gets, less frequent they should ejaculate. Once you have started to experience the benefits of brahmacharya, it will be easier to keep practicing. It also helps if you make it clear to yourself why you want to do it.
Moving the energy. If you have decided to increase your and your partners pleasure and take your love-making on to a new level by conserving the sexual energy, you need to learn how to channel the energy in the body. Sometimes men can feel pressure in their testicles when they stop ejaculating, because the energy did not release the usual channel. Various energy practices, such as tantric yoga, taichi or chikung can assist the energy flow to all parts of the body and beyond, away from the genital area.
In the beginning, brahmacharya may feel difficult, or even impossible, but it’s very rewarding – for both men and women. On tantric sexuality courses we often teach several other methods how to circulate the energy in the body.
What about the women?
Glad that you asked! You can help your man in various different ways. First and the most important aspect here is the same as above: awareness. Become aware of your level of arousal, and also that of your partner. When you notice it’s getting hot, slow down. Perhaps stay still, caress, hug, kiss.
You can also help your man to move the energy up by running your hands along his spine, all the way from the sacrum to the top of the head. If you know how, you can also lift your own sexual energy up in your body, for example to the heart center or to the third eye in the forehead area. Lifting up the energy works like a resonance between the two of you, and this can also result in more ecstatic feelings. One thing you can try is to direct your energy out from your heart center back to your man.
Be patient. It can be very difficult for the man not to ejaculate, so be supportive and patient. The evolution would like us to procreate as much as possible, and often the men can have tens of years of conditioning behind them. The body needs to learn a new way to handle the energy. Some men learn this new skill in a few weeks, for some it may take several months. Support your man and encourage him to continue. The rewards will be extraordinary.
Practical techniques you can start doing today
- Tantric yoga practice, especially inverted asanas and those that help to move the energy up in the body. Check my post about Tantric Yoga Exercises.
- Taichi or chikung, learning to feel and move your energy
- Taoist Deer Exercise for both men and women
- Microcosmic Orbit exercise as taught by Mantak Chia
- Find some more books by Mantak Chia
- Concentration exercises to strengthen your mind. Focusing on the Third Eye is especially helpful, because it controls the other energy centers in the body.
- Energy follows thought, so start learning how to focus your attention on one specific part of your body.
If you have any questions about strating practicing brahmacharya, drop a comment below. I’ll be glad to answer your questions!