
According to some sources the average time from penetration to ejaculation for men is about 5 to 7 minutes. After that, the male orgasm lasts for a few seconds. The woman can experience dissatisfaction, for she needs more time to get aroused or to enter an ecstatic orgasmic state. Tantric techniques can help!

Yab-yum
In tantra, we talk about brahmacharya, which can mean two things: either celibacy, or non-ejaculation and sexual continence. Of these two, for the contemporary man, celibacy may not sound very appealing, so let’s stick with the smart, tantric solution. With brahmacharya, the man is not spilling his seeds, but with a skillful and creative control of energies he can guide the energy upward in the body, away from the genitals – not out, as most men are used to. When you do this, you could keep on making love for as long as you wish, and an orgasm, or rather an ecstatic state can last for longer periods, hours or even days. And once you get the hang of it, you may start to experience different kinds of altered states of consciousness and expansion.
A famous yogi, Swami Sivananda, states the following about brahmacharya:
The preservation of semen is the secret of health and longevity,
and of all success in the physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual planes.
Sounds interesting? So how to do it?
Everything starts with awareness. It would be important for both men and women to recognize their state of arousal, and slow down when necessary, even stop the penetration for a short while. Men can learn to understand and observe their arousal by conscious self-pleasuring. It is easier to start alone, for the “Point of No Return” (the point when ejaculation will happen no matter what!) may hit surprisingly soon when practicing with a partner. When you practice with your arousal level, you could let it rise up to around 70-80%, and then let yourself chill down for a while, guiding the energy up in the body. And then rise up once again, maybe even a bit higher – but not too close!
Decision. Once you have decided to practice brahmacharya, stick to the decision. Make a set amount of time, let’s say a week, or 21 days, that you choose not to ejaculate. To contain the sexual energy in the body will bring more zest in to your everyday life. You will notice an increase in your ability to focus, overall energy levels and creativity. And of course, a new kind of spark in the bedroom.
In tantric traditon sexual energy is seen as the fundamental, intrinsic energy, and that we are given a certain limited amout of it. Did you ever notice a sudden loss of interest and connection after an ejaculation? Felt a bit sleepy? For that simple reason it’s better to conserve it than to waste it. In the Taoist tradition they instruct that the older men gets, less frequent they should ejaculate. Once you have started to experience the benefits of brahmacharya, it will be easier to keep practicing. It also helps if you make it clear to yourself why you want to do it.
Moving the energy. If you have decided to increase your and your partners pleasure and take your love-making on to a new level by conserving the sexual energy, you need to learn how to channel the energy in the body. Sometimes men can feel pressure in their testicles when they stop ejaculating, because the energy did not release the usual channel. Various energy practices, such as tantric yoga, taichi or chikung can assist the energy flow to all parts of the body and beyond, away from the genital area.
In the beginning, brahmacharya may feel difficult, or even impossible, but it’s very rewarding – for both men and women. On tantric sexuality courses we often teach several other methods how to circulate the energy in the body.
What about the women?

Prolonged ecstatic love-making can lead you to expanded states of consciousness
Glad that you asked! You can help your man in various different ways. First and the most important aspect here is the same as above: awareness. Become aware of your level of arousal, and also that of your partner. When you notice it’s getting hot, slow down. Perhaps stay still, caress, hug, kiss.
You can also help your man to move the energy up by running your hands along his spine, all the way from the sacrum to the top of the head. If you know how, you can also lift your own sexual energy up in your body, for example to the heart center or to the third eye in the forehead area. Lifting up the energy works like a resonance between the two of you, and this can also result in more ecstatic feelings. One thing you can try is to direct your energy out from your heart center back to your man.
Be patient. It can be very difficult for the man not to ejaculate, so be supportive and patient. The evolution would like us to procreate as much as possible, and often the men can have tens of years of conditioning behind them. The body needs to learn a new way to handle the energy. Some men learn this new skill in a few weeks, for some it may take several months. Support your man and encourage him to continue. The rewards will be extraordinary.
Practical techniques you can start doing today
- Tantric yoga practice, especially inverted asanas and those that help to move the energy up in the body. Check my post about Tantric Yoga Exercises.
- Taichi or chikung, learning to feel and move your energy
- Taoist Deer Exercise for both men and women
- Microcosmic Orbit exercise as taught by Mantak Chia
- Find some more books by Mantak Chia
- Concentration exercises to strengthen your mind. Focusing on the Third Eye is especially helpful, because it controls the other energy centers in the body.
- Energy follows thought, so start learning how to focus your attention on one specific part of your body.
If you have any questions about strating practicing brahmacharya, drop a comment below. I’ll be glad to answer your questions!
Yours,
Simo
I can tell you put a lot of effort into your article because there are so much content and detail about how we can increase our stamina! I love the idea of practicing yoga. I have been practicing yoga in the morning for about a month, and I can see the results! I also like how you mention that we should focus our thoughts on each body part. Keep it up, because you don’t know who you are inspiring, and I will come back for more information!
Hi Marques, thanks for your comment! Yes, I have studied this topic quite in a detail, because it definitely has not been an easy journey for me. I used to be the one coming very quickly, and this was, of course, very frustrating to me. My sex life was good even before I had even heard of Brahmacharya. but this definitely was one of the missing pieces, which has brought so much more satisfaction and fulfilment! I’m still learning 🙂
Hi, little embarrassed to say it, but I’m one of the unlucky few how suffer from the minute man issue. after reading your article I feel much better knowing I’m not alone in this struggle to maintain composure until my wife is satisfied.hope you keep this up you’re helping couples of all kind more than you know.
Thank you,
Ken B.
Hi Ken, thank you for your honest and open comment. From my few years of experience in this field, I can assure you that definitely you’re not alone with the problem!
I would highly recommend Diana Richardson’s book Tantric Orgasm for Women. You can check the link from my Books-page. There’s also a book for men by the same author, but I think this is a very good place to start from.
When I read this book for the first time, I really felt a great relief, that there’s nothing to achieve, that there’s another way to make love, which is based on greater sensitivity rather than “harder” and “stronger”. This is a great start, and then to slowly move on to the practice of Brahmacharya.
I’m glad I could be of help and inspiration to you!
I have never really studied Tantra, but not ejaculating as a way to increase your drive in other pursuits makes a lot of sense. Men are conditioned to spread their seed, but once this is accomplished a lot of motivation generally goes out the window, as you stated.
Napoleon Hill also dedicated an entire chapter in his book “Think and Grow Rich” to transforming sexual energy into increased productivity. He also recommended not ejaculating so often. Boxers and other athletes also advocate no sex leading up to important contests.
I’ll have to try some of these methods and let you know how they worked. Thanks for the information.
Thanks for your comment, Ernest! I have not read the “Think and Grow Rich” book – is he giving some advice on how to conserve the energy, or how to use it for other than procreation purposes?
What I have noticed is that once I have learned to control the urge to ejaculate, the overall “tolerance” for greater amount of any energy is higher. So obviously this brings all kinds of possibilities, to be able to handle bigger amount of (positive) stress, finances, life situations etc… And it also seems to be a positive upward spiral – the more you can handle, the more such situations appear 🙂
Let me know how it goes!